BananaTalk

Gift of Friendship

At a time, I apologized to a student, on behalf of someone else, for something that had happened. *really, I can’t disclose this but I really want to write about it* And all of a sudden, one cried. Followed by one’s friend. It became gloomy then. I was so surprised.

One said, “Every time we meet and enjoy our time, you look so… OK. As if nothing had happened. And it hurts to see you so fine. That you accept it just like that. As if it was easy. As if it was meant to be and it’s just everyday issue. As if it’s nothing. How could you do that?”, in a choked voice.

I just sit there in awe. I didn’t realize that what hurt me could also give such impact to others. I kept it tight and moved on because I wouldn’t make a fuss of it. It won’t matter to anyone. I don’t want to whine about it. Moreover to my students. Useless. I should be professional. I shouldn’t make my problem theirs. I should keep distance from them. I forgot…

I forgot they were only kids -to some extent. Kids feel, although they may not be a good verbalizer. And they are just as sensitive as I am. If not more. I forgot they were hurt, too. I didn’t know it was that deep. Apparently, I’m not the only one suffering. Realizing this, I broke to tears.

A while ago I felt so alone. Keeping things just for myself because whatever I did or said was going to be wrong anyway. Things had been twisted. Some, if not all. And it may not stop. So rather than there would be anything more against me, I decided to keep silent. *there, I said it*

I was wrong. I’m not alone. Not only I have my true friends with me, I also have my students. Well, not that ‘have’ as I treat my friends. But the feeling of being needed makes you feel lonely no more, isn’t it? That they really worth your existence. You really mean something. And you somehow share some feeling with the ones meaningful to you.

And for that, kids, I want to say I love you. Thank you, to have me in your mind even it’s just a small fraction. I am so grateful for meeting you all. It may not be regular friendship, but… I think I could just call it that. An unordinary one. Thank you, Allah.

Tersesat

Daud bangun pagi dengan terkejut dan tersedu-sedu. Mencari pelukku dan melanjutkan menangis hingga akhirnya reda. Ditanya mimpi apa, Daud menjawab, “Aku tersesat.” Dan aku yang termangu.

Dia sudah hafal baik namanya sendiri, nama orangtuanya, dan tempat tinggal kami. Masalahnya, “Aku tidak tahu nomor telepon ayah & bunda.” Rasanya ingin tepok jidat sendiri. Iya, ya. Oneng… Gimana anak lo bisa tau nomer HP lo kalo gak lo kasih tau, mak?

Urusan teknis beres, bocah tenang kembali. Aman. Emaknya masih belum tenang.

Kalau anak tersesat, dia cari jalan pulang. Ada ibu/ayah/keluarga yang dia kenal & harapkan di sana. Kalau orang dewasa tersesat, secara harfiah maupun maknawi, apakah dia akan cari jalan pulang, atau mencari jalan yang mengantarnya ke tujuan?

Masalahnya lagi, tujuan lo apa? Mau lo apa? *menatap cermin*

Oleh-oleh Acer Guraru Award 2011

Datang ke On|Off ID 2011 membuat saya merasa tua. Ya Allah, Pesta Blogger pertama itu tahun 2007, ya? Sudah berbuat apa saja saya selama ini? Adakah buahnya?

Selain haha hihi karena bahagia (salah satunya; senang difoto bareng Hanny) -ini bukan lebay- bertemu blogger-blogger (kenalan) lama, orang-orang yang selama ini saya follow di Twitter dan belum/pernah tahu wujudnya di dunia nyata, kedatangan itu mengiris-iris hati. Ampuuun, saya jadi juri Acer Guraru Award sudah dua kali, tapi blog saya isinya mana?!

Foto ini adalah saya bersama pak Agus Sampurno, pemenang Guraru Award 2011 dan pak Urip, jauh-jauh dari Kalimantan atas undangan Acer, pemenang Guraru Award 2010. Bertemu keduanya untuk pertama kali (semoga bukan terakhir kali). Continue reading…

The Greener Grass

It gives you comfort. Yet it gets smaller. Your wings are crippled, now. You’re afraid of so many things you used to face with strong attitude and bold heart. Since when you’ve become so coward?

—

I’m scared of critics. I winced every time my name is mentioned. Thinking, “What is it? Is it something bad I do?” I’m scared of people’s thought. While who knows what they are thinking now. They could be busy about themselves and not bothering a single thing about me. So why?

I’m scared of speaking my mind. I no longer dare to talk blatantly with firm tone, defending my belief. I tend to think it over. And over. And over. And in many times, it ended in silence. “Better not talk than to cause problem.” There. I got drown in it too much, I almost forgot how to talk.

I’m scared of people. Almost looks like everything ‘there’ is better than here. Absurd point of view, I know. But scared people can’t be said as truly sane.

It’s too shallow to be said as a contemplation. So, no, this is just a mumbling. I need to get this out. There, I just admitted that I’m scared.

Curtwit

Beberapa waktu lalu di Twitter muncul ungkapan, “Kalau guru saja tidak menguasai semua mata pelajaran, mengapa murid harus?” Tweet ini segera menuai RT alias diamini oleh banyak teman-temannya. Saya, yang seringkali iseng, menimpali agak serius. “What makes the difference between the common and the specialist is 75%.” Hebatnya murid saya, ngerti lho disindir halus begini.

Nilai ketuntasan minimal untuk mata pelajaran utama adalah 75. Dengan demikian kurang tepat ya kalau dikatakan murid harus menguasai semua mata pelajaran. Karena istilah ‘menguasai’ itu, menurut saya, lebih tepat untuk ditujukan pada mereka yang berkompetensi setidaknya 85%. Menurut saya, lho. Boleh beda ya.

Tapi saya mengerti yang sebetulnya anak-anak saya ini maksud. Mereka lelah. 16 mata pelajaran, nilai minimal yang harus diperjuangkan adalah 75. Kalau belum mencapai nilai tersebut, dikatakan belum tuntas alias harus ujian remedial. Ujian remedial, yang sejatinya untuk membantu, seringkali jadi terpelintir. Ujian remedial tidak dipandang sebagai kesempatan berharga, namun tuntutan, atau ungkapan masa bodoh. “Ya sudahlah. Paling juga remedial. Ngapain belajar capek-capek.” Lhooo…

Eh saya tidak bermaksud bicara tentang remedial. Ini semangat yang bagus dari kurikulum KTSP. Tentang pelaksanaannya, ya masih banyak kurangnya. Apalagi saya.

Kembali ke tweet. Saya uraikan tentang piramida belajar yang memang lebih banyak jenis pelajaran di dasar piramida ketimbang ketika menjelang puncak, yang berarti secara keilmuan sudah terspesialisasi. Dan seterusnya. Muncul komentar ‘curtwit’. Dan sayapun tertawa. Continue reading…